today i invested in two very important things. activewear and books. they say you shouldn't really buy new clothing while you're working on your body cause it'll be a waste of time, but i learn by consequence so we'll see.
after tuesdays conversation with Shannon i feel like i did a lot of thinking and reading. thinking about my practice and myself and why i am the way that i am, why i do and dont do/think things. why do i read what i read and then get embarrassed when people ask me what im reading.
and so i've been browsing the book depository and have ordered a couple things.
-decolonizing methodologies
-the essential rumi revised (lol)
also from unity
-island time
-critical conversations in kaupapa maori
and also a book on numerology cause i like that shit it fascinates me don't ask lol
anyways they're some very adult reads for me and im not sure what exactly i will get from them but i can only hope to grow and become less naive from these big dog writers. and maybe i'll find some clarity around some of my questions.
also another thing that is today, i sent some work home to rotorua to be part of a group show at a new gallery Ahua. it is part of the the New Zealand School of Māori Arts and Crafts Institute (NZMACI) and the opening is 6pm tonight.
a goal of mine has always been to have an exhibition back home so it feels so nice to realise it so quickly! i'm really grateful for the opportunity to show alongside some really talented people, and especially my dad. its been a little funny leading up to this moment for me. Up until today my work has never been shown in a kaupapa maori environment. looking back to how i thought previously (before tuesday) something i always wanted for my work was for it to be displayed in a kaupapa maori context. it was my dream i think, but now that it is happening - im anxious and nervous about it. im worried its too weird or not "māori enough" for the space. all these insecurities popping up that i didnt ever thing i would have for this type of situation. its got me thinking
who am i making for?
why am i feeling ashamed and not good enough to occupy this space?
why are these feelings much more intense in this context and why am i much less tense in pakeha dominated spaces?
its really that response activity we did thats triggered all this. i keep coming back to that "neutral" concept of hoteres work and it being able to sit in both spaces.
how can i balance that in my own work.
actually more importantly, why do i want to balance that in my own work?
why is that important to me??????
is it so im accessible? - but then why do i want to be accessible to everyone?
is it cause i crave gratification and acknowledgement /outside reassurance that my work is māori? - yes lol but why????????
big Q's. not enough articulated just lots of random thoughts
after tuesdays conversation with Shannon i feel like i did a lot of thinking and reading. thinking about my practice and myself and why i am the way that i am, why i do and dont do/think things. why do i read what i read and then get embarrassed when people ask me what im reading.
and so i've been browsing the book depository and have ordered a couple things.
-decolonizing methodologies
-the essential rumi revised (lol)
also from unity
-island time
-critical conversations in kaupapa maori
and also a book on numerology cause i like that shit it fascinates me don't ask lol
anyways they're some very adult reads for me and im not sure what exactly i will get from them but i can only hope to grow and become less naive from these big dog writers. and maybe i'll find some clarity around some of my questions.
also another thing that is today, i sent some work home to rotorua to be part of a group show at a new gallery Ahua. it is part of the the New Zealand School of Māori Arts and Crafts Institute (NZMACI) and the opening is 6pm tonight.
a goal of mine has always been to have an exhibition back home so it feels so nice to realise it so quickly! i'm really grateful for the opportunity to show alongside some really talented people, and especially my dad. its been a little funny leading up to this moment for me. Up until today my work has never been shown in a kaupapa maori environment. looking back to how i thought previously (before tuesday) something i always wanted for my work was for it to be displayed in a kaupapa maori context. it was my dream i think, but now that it is happening - im anxious and nervous about it. im worried its too weird or not "māori enough" for the space. all these insecurities popping up that i didnt ever thing i would have for this type of situation. its got me thinking
who am i making for?
why am i feeling ashamed and not good enough to occupy this space?
why are these feelings much more intense in this context and why am i much less tense in pakeha dominated spaces?
its really that response activity we did thats triggered all this. i keep coming back to that "neutral" concept of hoteres work and it being able to sit in both spaces.
how can i balance that in my own work.
actually more importantly, why do i want to balance that in my own work?
why is that important to me??????
is it so im accessible? - but then why do i want to be accessible to everyone?
is it cause i crave gratification and acknowledgement /outside reassurance that my work is māori? - yes lol but why????????
big Q's. not enough articulated just lots of random thoughts
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