Prelude

Came into semester two feeling refreshed with wayy more clarity well and truly feel like a completely different person.

I reckon I had a full blown mental breakdown.

Spent 5 weeks at home, last time i did that i was in my first year of university. Looking back over the 6 months past and in particular the last 3 I was in such a low place and it was affecting every aspect of my life. Since coming back from home I've been doing a lot of reflection on that time and it makes me sad to think about how I was feeling and behaving. I developed quite high anxiety and a mentality of not being good enough. my self-talk was farking terrible, I was just so depressed, exhausted, easily triggered and literally crying about everything. I've only ever felt this way twice before. first was when my nan passed and second when my dog passed. i was numb, couldn't feel anything but sadness :( didn't even know how to feel good about graduating with a first class honours degree bro wtf. don't feel sorry for me, I do enough of that.

I knew something wasn't right but was sure it'll pass over with time (typical pisces attitude smh) but after a trip to the counsellor and doctor and actually being prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills i got the fright of me life

Whoever reads this post is probably saying wtf is this girl on about over sharing biiiig times, this supposed to be art not a fucking life story blog. 

BUT it's actually extremely pertinent to my art and I wouldn't be able to carry on the semester without getting this out because it plays a huge part in the body of work that i'm currently planning.

Basically spent my time at home just taking it day by day. Slept a lot, talked a little bit more as time went by and gradually found myself crying less and less. Pretty amazing what a little bit of time and rest can do for your whole self. For me it was a lot about allowing myself to just feel all the shit and letting others look after me when I couldn't really do that for myself and for that I am so so grateful for my parents. Community is so so important during times like this!!! And also so is meditation. If i could give anyone general life advice i would 102848573% recommend practicing meditation. it's the best really cant fault it.

I always thought i was feeling this way because i'm a young artist going through art stuff, but maybe it's just a me being 23 thing. Mum told me she went through a similar breakdown when she was 23 and she's not an artist so must be this fucking age. My nan mum and me are all pisces too. three fishes. reckon thats pretty sick aye

I'm back feeling full of love motivation meditation curiosity excitement and literally all the other things. what a post omg.